Over the past month I've reached out into the BecomingMom community, and y'all did not disappoint! What an amazing group of vulnerable, kind, open and loving people we have built here. This weekend can carry a ton of different emotions, and I would never want to insult those grieving the loss of mothers themselves, the loss of becoming mothers ( I miscarried Mothers' Day weekend two years ago.. I know the feels all too well), or the loss of connection, relationships or hope. I think it's important to lean on one another, know our village and offer and seek guidance. You all have amazing stories to tell, great advice and honest moments of hardship, victories, moments filled with laughter, and bad bad days. What a privilege it's been to get a glimpse into your home. I hope you feel seen, heard, and appreciated! Thank you so much for opening your heart to not only me, but to our community here. I'm incredibly thankful. Enjoy!
" What is something you wish you knew before becoming a mom?"
"It's okay if you don't get anything done during nap time! Sometimes you just need to relax." - Rebecca
" I wish I understood how demanding breastfeeding was; how difficult it could be to start and then how the complete dependance on you can make you feel very weighed down/trapped. That can be hard." - Roberta
" Sleep is overrated, it's unbelievable how much you can do on so little sleep. And sometimes just taking things day by day is what you need to do." - Victoria L.
"Breastfeeding doesn't come naturally to everyone. It hurts! But it will get better and easier." - Olivia
" There were many times where I thought being a 'patient' parent was more important than taking care of my needs in the day... I would push myself to the limit and then ultimately explode when I would run out of patience. It took me a while to learn what boundaries to set with the kids, but this was the most important thing I did for myself as a mom." - Natasha
" I would have never understood this unless having kids of my own: The feeling of missing someone while they're literally on top of you... oh, and the days are long but the years are short." - Jodi
" The price of formula if you can't breastfeed!" - Alecia
" Postpartum depression is real, and it needs to be talked about more. Please always seek help." - Victoria
" Utilizing the mom village more. We are so quick to google everything baby related, we should turn to other moms in our community before the internet. Gather the various advice and try what resonates with us most." - Tonia
" They don't tell you how painful it is that all the bones in your pelvic region are moving and shifting to accommodate this growing human... but girl.. the first time you feel them kick is life changing." - Jess
" Parenting practices change, what was done years ago may no longer be safe or healthy. Don't feel like you need to listen to all the advice that gets thrown at you. Do what feels right for you and your babe." - Eden
" Co-sleeping is just as much for you as it is them... cuddle all you want, but keep in mind it will be harder on you than them to stop." - Victoria
" A moment in your motherhood journey- Wins, fails and everything in-between"
" The smiles and laughs are what we live for as parents." - Victoria L.
" Potty training Erika when Mat (husband) was away at a conference: Day 1: no accidents.... Day 2: just pee, but then would run to toilet (half successes).... Day 3: took a shit on the coffee table while maintaining very tense and angry eye contact. I definitely lost is and melted down that day. " - Celia
" You learn a different kind of love." - Rebecca
" This one time I left Sadie unattended for five minutes, just for Jason (brother) to tell me she has her pants and diaper off and throwing poop on the floor..... that time was yesterday." - Sarah
" My daughter is my person and always will be, and I am her person." - Barb
" I had a day where my ride left work without me and I couldn't make it to the bus stop in time. Erika was too small to stay home alone and Mat was out of town. I called a mommy friend who I hadn't spoken to in months. She offered to pick Erika up (and practiced using Erika's safety word) and then picked me up from work. I was a mess over that for a really long time. I felt I failed her. But it was actually an opportunity to let her safely judge hard situations within the boundaries I helped her create. And it taught me the truth about Mom friends. They may not be in eyesight, but always there." - Celia "
"Wins: When I am able to be in the moment with them, when I am able to be calm and assertive when huge emotions are happening around me. Fails: When I want to control everything and try to, when I am too wrapped up in my own crap." - Natasha
" None of us mommas planned to be pregnant in a pandemic, it can be scary but I have found a deep connection to my growing bundle.I choose to see pregnancy in this time as a blessing. It has brought joy to us and our whole family giving us excitement for the future." - Kate
" When Ashley was little and she was two years old and she came up to me and said 'Mommy I want my sfu*kaling lipstick..' my husband and I looked at each other and thought: 'what is she saying!?!?' She got so angry and said 'MOMMY I want my sfu*kaling lipstick!'... we figured it out. She wanted her SPARKLING lipstick. We died... we love her." - Barb
" Don't EVER put a dirty diaper within reach. They will grab it and smear poop in their hair." - Eden
" When you spend your whole life dreaming of being a mom, only to experience loss, you feel defeated, your dreams are crushed and it's all consuming. You spend months working through the anger, coming to terms with what you and your partner experienced... then one day you pee on a stick and see those two pink lines again. You jump with joy, and am beyond excited... but in the back of your mind you're waiting for the other shoe to drop. Currently in the final stretch with 11 weeks to go, feeling unprepared but also know that once he's here, I'll know what to do. As Mother's Day is approaching I can't help but feel so grateful that I get to have this experience when so many cannot. I can't wait to celebrate moms, moms to be, and those who are still waiting to be a mom." - Jess
"....when I wasn't paying attention and Ben picked up a dead squirrel in the park and brought it over to me super excited..... when Alina needed me, wasn't getting my attention and covered her entire face with green marker." - Natasha
" Being a mother is the best, hardest, and most wonderful role I have ever had- and then I became a grandma!" - Gillian
Advice from the BecomingMom Community
"I guess the only thing I could offer is to say sorry. Sorry for making mistakes, losing your temper, making decisions that perhaps wasn't the right one. Always be honest that you are growing, evolving and learning as a person at the same time as your child. As a mom, I was always thankful my daughter was always forgiving, kind and gracious when I made a mistake." - Jodee
" Raising babies is not for the weak of heart, you realize just how strong you are when you are raising children" - Victoria L.
" Enjoy your children as long as you can. They grow up too fast." - Judee
" Work on finding a balance that works for your family (structure, freedom, work, play) it's all needed... also, try to look at your kids with love as often as you can. They can see it." - Natasha
" Get outside! Even though you are so tired emotionally, physically, mentally. Getting outside is the thing that helped me feel like myself again... and have lots of healthy snacks. I mean LOTS. I was so hungry..... I still am!" - Olivia
" Comparison is the thief of joy- our social media timelines are filled with beautiful families, full of things we think we want and need. It's so easy to feel inadequate and spread yourself thin trying to live up to the standards of others. Letting go of that pressure and really looking inward at yourself and your needs, and meeting your baby where they are. It takes a conscious effort but pays off in so many ways." - Christina
" I remember growing up my parents would tell me 'once you have kids time goes by so fast', and since becoming a mom I truly see how real that is. Don't blink and take each moment as it comes, embracing it all." - Allyssa
" Don't stress until there is something to stress about, when thinking of everything you "need" for your baby cut that in half, and no matter how hard you try all those cute baby outfits won't get worn. FED IS BEST. Soothers will be the death of a parent...but have an endless supply, they are baby crack. Yes... that's way too many toys, and yes, you'll buy more anyways." - Victoria
" What I like to remind myself is that it's not my job to mold him into what I think is a good person. It's my job, as a parent, to be there to support his unique experience of life as his own person, and provide the love that allows him to be confident and kind with that experience. We can learn a lot from our kids when we step back from trying to teach them and just watch them, since they are the most honest people in the world." - Sunny
" Don't rush the next milestone, it all goes by sooooo fast. Wish I had been more in the moment for each new step." - Denise
" We had quite a few tough moments with Wesley throughout his first year of life with teething (getting 12 teeth before he was one), and him getting really bad teething rash/eczema. My biggest advice that I would give any new mom is always do what you think is right for your child. Medical advice and other people will give their opinions, but at the end of the day, you will always know what is best for them. Also, I know most wont agree, but the cry it out method (as hard as it is - and we never let him cry longer than five minutes without reassuring him) works." - Pam
" A little bit of screen time isn't a bad thing if it'll help give you that extra 5-10 minutes of alone time.. if you need to scream into a pillow or freshen up and take a shower." - Connie
" No matter how trying your day is, your kids can always make it brighter." - Alecia
" Whenever they are babies, do whatever you need to in order for them to sleep (even if you spend $20 in gas driving around.. worth it!). When they are in school, don't be a smother mother, let them have fun and explore. High school? Let them fail, getting a trophy for losing is stupid, failure is usually the best teacher. Most of all, take lots of pictures." - Beth
" Time really does fly, try to be present and in the moment the best you can." - Tamara
"Not to sound cliche, but enjoy the moment. Try not to say 'Mommy's busy, we'll do it later.' Don't sweat the small stuff.. like clothing. If they don't want to wear what you want them to wear... who cares? As long as they're dressed for the weather it can be so much fun. Oh, you cannot spoil a child with too much cuddles, hugs and kisses. Try not to hover, life will throw them all sorts of curve balls, and they need to learn how to navigate (with a little guidance) on their own." - Bonnie
" I once read the phrase 'don't push the river', and it's always stuck with me as a mom." - Tonia
Whatever Mother's Day means to you, my hope is you find community within today's post. The pathway to momhood is one as unique as a flower.
I encourage you to celebrate Mothers today as well as honouring the place that you are in today.
You are seen and you are loved. Happy Mother's Day.
All my love,
Ellie
